The Chongas Live On

Alright people, you asked for it and I'm a servant to my readers! Let us further discuss the different types of Chongas we encounter on a daily basis here in Greater Miami.

Since my last entry I had the rare opportunity to have a one on one conversation with the famous Medical Assistant Chonga! This exotic gem of a Chonga gives her scrubs a daily challenge by pouring her huge silicone breasts into the tight, un-giving fabric. The only thing keeping her from wearing the famous Chinese slippers is the opportunity to work her black Nikes with pom-pom ankle socks every day! Que comodo! She usually has a messy ponytail and forgets to wear makeup but her nails are incredible and she calls everyone "mama". Yuneicy, the Chonga I came into contact with this week, is in charge of collecting urine samples from the bathroom before they get picked up by the lab. She also only spoke to me in Spanish even though I replied in English every time. Super amazing.

Next we have the Insurance Associate Chonga. I say Associate because this Chonga doesn't want the responsibility of being an actual Agent. However, she definitely feels she runs the place and manages to man-handle all the customers! In her younger years she dreamed of being a hair salon Chonga because she enjoys stripping the color of her hair and experimenting with her eyebrow shape but the Insurance Agency paid more which enabled her to get her eyebrows tattooed on permanently. She takes cigarette breaks every hour and loves to wear over sized polo shirts she shares with her macho. This Chonga is also extra unique as she really enjoys plastic jewelry bought from Valsan and leaves her hair curly all the time! Que mona.

The Cuban Bakery Chonga is one of my favorites as I have encountered them more than any other Chonga in my life! I want to use Maritza from Las Palmas as an example of this brand of Chonga as her churros and cafe con leche have inspired an entire generation. This Chonga enjoys being very "matchy-matchy" with her outfits and finds coordinating scrunchies (that's right, she still wears them), jewelry (all plastic or color dipped, of course), eye shadow, sneakers and nail polish all based on the color of her work uniform. In the case of Maritza, she matches everything to the Green Polo Shirt that is part of her Las Palmas uniform! Her favorite catch phrases are "mi cielo", "amorcito" and "pase lo que pase" and she hasn't changed the oil in the fryer ever. Long live Maritza!

Finally, we have the paradox of the I Just Found Religion Chonga vs the Born Again Chonga. The reason for the specificity is the I Just Found Religion Chonga really has found religion (usually either Catholic, Jehova's Wittness or if Protestant she prefers Pentecostal) while the Born Again Chonga is just that--a Chonga who has regained her Chonga roots.

The I Just Found Religion Chonga loves French Braids, scrunchies, floral button-down blouses and very tacky Bible carriers. She also enjoys buttons and big earrings that are accentuated by her use of the French Braid. She is constantly talking about God's work in her life and loves to pray for everyone yet can't let go of sayings like "bro", "requete fresh" or "lo que esta pa ti". She means well and is an excellent person to have in your corner because, after all, she's still Chonga at heart and will chew out anybody that disrespects her girl! Dale socia!

The Born Again Chonga is phenomenal because she manages to take the horror of a breakup or divorce and turn it into an opportunity to get all Chonga again! She frequents the Faja Store for compression undergarments and is a huge fan of the fake hair piece and under-the-eye liner. This jeva enjoys haunts such as Kaffe Krystal or Azucar and throws down the keys of her previously owned Lexus while Cougaring on the weekends. She is truly an inspiration to us all.

I don't know how many more Chongas I have in me but as long as you all have a need, I will continue to research and record each variety of Chonga known to man. Hollah!