PLEASE STOP TOUCHING YOUR FACES!!

Earlier today, I happened to catch a few minutes of Poseidon, the extremely disappointing remake of Gene Hackman's The Poseidon Adventure. Just when I was about to change the channel when I was suddenly struck by the vision on Fergie singing on stage for the ship's New Year's Party. First of all, the thought of Fergie working as a cruise ship entertainer is way too amazing and gives me a warm feeling inside. However, I couldn't help but notice how freaking busted that girl is! Am I the only person that remembers her as Stacy from Kids Incorporated? That show was part of the original Nickelodeon lineup when the network seemed to be obsessed with Canadian programming and the green slime actually meant something. But she went from being the sunny little girl with a dream to that busted chick who wets her pants and marries way out of her league! The girl has touched her face so many times she's starting to look like Charo! And I don't mean the Charo from the 60's, I mean Charo from Surreal World!! See below for the evidence of her progression.

Next, we have the Material Girl herself, Madonna. I don't care how much my gay friends shun me for saying this but the truth must be told cuz girlfriend looks nuts! I'm sitting here watching SNL (Scarlett made a cameo since her hubby is hosting...yuck) and Madonna pops in from out of nowhere to make a cameo. She subjected us to her extremely dynamic acting skills and had a play fight with Lady Gaga. While I find Lady Gaga to be a hugely ridiculous sell-out (look up the images of her from her Coffee House years in 2007) that girl made Madonna look like a sickly old waste! I have no idea what she was trying to achieve from her last Plastic Surgery but if she walked into the doctor's office and asked to look like the puppet from Saw, well, mission accomplished! She looks like a damn ventriloquist dummy! I'm not even sure how she's able to wear sunglasses anymore with those crazy cheekbones! If she touches her face one more time she won't be able to open her eyes anymore and her nose will be in her mouth! See below for more evidence.

Ladies, I am all in favor of doing a little something to your nose or removing a turkey jowl if it makes you feel better but when we start to look like Cat People something has got to give! I feel it is much more attractive to age gracefully than to deform your face and turn into a freak show! Madonna, you're not fooling anyone...we all know you're an old lady and you need to give it up! And as for you Fergie, if this is what you look like now what's going to happen when you hit 50? You both need to suck up to Cher for her surgeon's phone number and get those faces straightened out immediately. If Bruce Jenner is starting to look more normal than you it's definitely time for a change! Stop touching your faces...the world has enough to fear without looking at your freaky mugs!