Seriously, I can't spend one day without hearing something this stupid girl has said! My sisters and I decided many years ago that anyone who looks too perfect has to have some kind of secret flaw. Crapping yellow was always my favorite secret flaw (this one has yet to be confirmed) but it seems to me that the truth is all pretty people are not only stupid but immensely uninteresting.
I'm going to take you all on a magical tour of the whit and spontaneity that is Megan Fox and, of course, I'll be adding my own personal comments to her most profound quotes. What a treat!
Megan Fox on Toilet Etiquette
“I’m horrible to live with. I don’t clean. My clothes end up wherever I take them off. I forget to flush the toilet. Friends will tell me, “Megan, you totally pinched a loaf in my toilet and didn’t flush.”
- FHM, June 2007
OK, the reason her friends get so freaked out is because she probably does crap yellow!! We have evidence now people--Megan Fox pinches great big yellow loafs!
Megan Fox On Vocabulary
“I don’t want to have to be like a Scarlett Johansson – who I have nothing against, but I don’t want to have to go on talk shows and pull out every single SAT word I’ve every learned to prove, like, ‘Take me seriously, I am intelligent, I can speak.’ I don’t want to have to do that. I resent having to prove that I’m not a retard – but I do. And part of it is my own fault.”
OK, I'm starting to love this girl because of her dissatisfaction with Scarlett Johansson! However, we know she's not a real retard because she looks nothing like Rumer Willis and could never work a cash register. You also don't have to learn any SAT words if you majored in sexy-times with Brian Austin Green and an Angelina Jolie metamorphosis. Good for you Megan, you can speak...although it might be best if you stop!
Megan Fox on Boys
“Robert Pattinson and Zac – they’re just too pretty with the big hair and the suits. And Rob is, what, 22? Zac is 21? That’s a joke. Boys in their twenties are a waste of time. They have nothing to offer conversationally; they’re immature. I feel like I have a better shot with someone in his thirties.”
- Elle, June 2009
Oh, I'm so sorry Megan, are you looking for some good conversation? The best its ever going to get for you is to go make friends with Scarlett!
Megan Fox on Zac Efron
“Zac Efron is my obsession, we’re the same person. We’re not actually here, it’s like Janet and Michael Jackson. He just puts on his wig and a dress, and it’s me, and you don’t know that. It’s one of the greatest mysteries of all time.”
- GQ Man of the Year Event 2008
OK, first of all my little chonga, it's Michael and Latoya who are "secretly" the same person. Do you think Janet Jackson can hide that butt in anything without a drawstring? Other than that I might actually buy this one. Zac Efron is a little too pretty and she kind of has man shoulders. Hmmm...
Megan Fox on Simba
“Starscream is the sexiest Transformer. [Why?] ‘Cause he just is. Why is Simba [from 'The Lion King'] sexy? He just was. Maybe it was because Jonathan Taylor Thomas was the voice. I can’t tell you. It’s something I just feel.”
- Virtual Transformers Press Conference in Second Life, June 2007
What the questions asked of her here? Was she being interviewed the Sky Net Tribune? And how on earth did innocent little JTT get dragged into this one? I guess she really wants some Tool Time with her pre-teen crush. Isn't he in his 20's?
Megan Fox on Alan Alda
“I am pretty sure I am a doppelganger for Alan Alda. I’m a tranny. I’m a man. I’m so painfully insecure. I’m on the verge of vomiting now. I am so horrified that I am here, and embarrassed. I’m scared,”
– Red Carpet Golden Globes 2009
OK, this girl needs to hire a publicist immediately! WTF? Alan Alda! She sounds like she's having a Sybilesque breakdown. Run for the hills people and hide the knitting needles!
Megan Fox on Farts
“If you eat Chinese food, your farts come out like Chinese food. If you eat Mexican food, your farts come out like Mexican food. And milk, it’s like—you can smell the warmth in the fart. My wardrobe on Transformers always smells like farts, and I have no idea why.”
- GQ, October 2008
If you eat Smartees, your farts smell like smarter. If you eat Pigs in a Blanket, your farts smell like pork and fresh cotton. If you Salt-n-Vinegar chips your farts smell like douche. But if you drink Jager Bombs, your farts also smell like douche! Weird how farts work.
Megan Fox on Bisexuality
“I think people are born bisexual and the make subconscious choices based on the pressures of society. I have no question in my mind about being bisexual. But I’m also a hypocrite: I would never date a girl who is bisexual, because that means they also sleep with men, and men are so dirty that I’d never sleep with a girl who had slept with a man.”
- Esquire, June 2009
I don't blame her for pretending to be bisexual. She's just trying to invent something interesting about herself. I will point out that she inadvertently called herself a dirty whore because she sleeps with men. What a hypocrite. Wait a minute, that sounds like an SAT word to me! She totally let one slip! Oh damn!
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