I Hate Scarlett Johansson

I never wanted this blog to be all about my disdain for celebrities but I cannot hold this one back any longer! I absolutely, positively and without a doubt hate Scarlett Johansson. She's everywhere and so unbelievably untalented yet everyone applauds her burp-like dialogue! Why does the world hate me so much?

I remember when I was in college my roommate made me watch The Horse Whisperer and I gave in due to my love of horses and Diane Wiest movies. I remember thinking that the little peg-leg girl with the duck face was pretty annoying. "She'll never have a future in films," I thought. How time has smote me with it's evil ways!! In Lost in Translation we couldn't yet tell how awful she was because Bill Murray carries the entire plot. But with a Scoop, Girl with the Peal Earring, Match Point and He's Just not into You later she's still here and people, now she's singing!!

What bothers me the most about her isn't her crazy deer-in-headlights "scary" looks but the fact that she takes herself so seriously! This girl probably walks around with more clackers than Tom Cruise and his Scientology entourage! She had the audacity to sing Tom Waitts songs and attempt to inject her monotone soul into every note. Now they're referring to her as the Jane Birkin to Pete Yorn's Serge Gainsbourg and just typing this is making me want to throw up!

And Ryan Reynolds married her!!!!! I had been a Ryan Reynolds fan since he starred as the pre-pubescent brother in Nickelodeon's Canadian Drama Fifteen and attempted to get into his sister's garage band. After his long standing engagement with Alanis Morisette he traded her in for this empty-headed baritone. He has now joined the ranks of other couples like Freddy Prinze Jr. and Sarah Michelle Gellar and Spencer and Heidi! Unacceptable!!

Now the bobble-heads on E are referring to her as Scar Jo because we didn't already have enough chonga nicknames out there for celebrities! Scar Jo sounds like the name of the floozy GI Joe character who sleeps with all the wounded soldiers in the infirmary! Wait a minute, that may be the perfect role for her! She can have a sexy blond curl that covers up the missing eye she lost in an unfortunate bet in Vietnam.

I wish she would take the high road like Keanu Reeves and focus on playing roles that are so covered in Special Effects that no one can see how untalented you really are! I imagine I'll probably blog about her again at some point as my hatred is very alive unlike the expressions on her face. Seriously, is she already using Botox or is she really that much of a bore?! Ahhhh!!