I Nearly Cut a Bitch!

I've never been known as someone with a bad temper. In fact, I'm usually known for my perpetually sunny attitude. While I've been known to lose my cool from time to time (usually at work) I usually have a high tolerance for shenanigans. Last night, however, I was pushed to such a level of aggravation that I nearly cut a bitch!

Gio and I love going to concerts and will travel across the country for a good show. No matter where you go, the simple concert etiquette rules always apply and for the most part people are polite and courteous. Last night we went to the Vagabond to catch the Junior Boys show and the crowd was ridiculous! The line to get in wrapped around the block and even though we had pre-purchased tickets I had to convince the "Door People" to come talk to us instead of allowing the moochers to walk ahead. When we finally made it through the door and headed to the main room the floor was so packed that we had to "politely" push and shove our way across the room.

We settled into a spot on the back right corner of the room and cozied up to a bald guy wearing a choker with these two chicks dressed as though it was still 1998. You know what I'm talking about. They were the kind of girls with dolphin or sunflower tattoos on their ankles and they'd probably make out with each other just to turn on the choker guy before the night was over. Gio took a spot right behind me but kept his arm around my waist for safe keeping. Choker Man was clearly buzzed and continuously attempted to wrap his left arm around the both of the girls from 1998 but was only successful in bumping splashes of Vodka Tonic out of my glass. I gave him some small nudges and tried to ignore his stupidity but after enduring five songs of this my patience began to wear thin.

Then enter the next two douche bags! The first guy can only be described as Harvey Keitel with Bruce Jenner's hair cut and his friend was the Poor Man's Jason Priestly. Seriously. The two gimps pushed their way in from my left and decided to park themselves right in front of me. Here is when the snap began. I turned to Brandon Walsh and said, "Oh, so this is what you're going to do? You're going to stop right here in front of me?" Harvey Jenner missed the whole situation as he was busy texting away. The guy cut in front of me so that he could text people and block my view! Then his extremely astute friend made the mistake of saying, "What?" and caused the snap to complete. "Is this what you're gonna do? I've been here for a half hour and you and your friend are going to stop here right in front of me? You need to pick up your douche friend and keep on moving! Why don't you move on and park in front of those chicks from 1998?!"

At this point, Choker Man threw his arm around with such a force that he caused my drink to splash onto my blouse. It was on and I started yelling! "Look, I understand if you're trying to mack on these two chicks. But if you're going to swing your freakish hairy arm around you need to look in all directions first! You've been knocking this drink out of my glass over and over and now I'm wearing half of it! Move over and quit ruining my night!"

I lost it. I know. I completely flew off the handle. Gio stood behind me laughing at the whole situation and like a good boyfriend, took me out of the room and bought me a fresh drink. Choker Man apologized a million times and I completely scared Harvey and Jason out of the way (and right in front of the girls from 1998...hahaha). In a crazy way, I completely enjoyed myself! There was something so fantastic about being able to flip out on a few douche bags and release all the disgust I had been hiding in my heart!

With the fresh drink in hand I recounted the story of my skirmish to our friends and even broke into some dancing! I guess I ought to feel bad about my behavior but those guys should feel way worse about their complete lack of concert etiquette! If any of you want to catch a concert with me sometime know that I'll make sure to shame everyone out of our way as we dance on their embarrassment!