A man in a rhinestoned cape? Must be "Art Basil"!

Oh yes, it's that time of year again! Last night marked the beginning of Art Basel and we kicked off the festivities by heading out to an "Art Basil" (retards) party on Star Island. After an incredibly awkward cab ride with an overly chatty driver we arrived at a "house" that appeared to be more like the Village of Santo Poco from The Three Amigos! The place was huge and was crawling with socialites, sickly looking models, ex-reality show posers and of course, lots of old men trying to look hip! Seriously, there was a man in his late 40's with green spiked hair and a pooka necklace!

When we first entered the party we were left breathless from the spectacle of statues that lined the gardens. There was a giant Velociraptor, Silver Back Gorilla, twin pigs and a few bronze old men. The DJ was the legendary Galaxy Girl who in her late 40's is still keeping it as real as a rave by Rinker in 1997! Classy. There were models riding around on electric bicycles painted up like foliage and dressed in what appeared to be paper machier frocks. There were also a lot of man scarves (complete with pompoms) and a bevvy of gold diggers on the prowl!

I'd like to take a brief moment here to discuss the dimly lit "stars" from the briefly aired Miami Social. While I loved to hate the program I admit, I watched every episode and can name all those vomits whenever I spot them at Segafredo's drinking an Ignacio (long story for another time). Up close in person, here's the verdict: Sora is pretty but is way older than I thought and her boyfriend looks like Danny Wood from the New Kids. Michael is extremely wimpy looking and was spotted wearing some kind of Old Navy Rugby Shirt with black slacks and dress shoes! I guess that crazy Russian girl really did cut up all his jeans! Katrina looks like she's been holding in all her farts since she auditioned for The Apprentice's first season and seriously needs to reconsider that husband she just left! I swear, I should have my own show!

OK, and now for the grand finale--Cape Man! As I sipped my overly sweetened mojito and glanced at all the ridiculousness this party had to offer, God offered up one more treat in the form of an extremely gay man wearing an aqua blazer that came complete with a bedazzled cape attached! And not just any run of the mill bedazzling but a rhinestone Peace Sign! It's as though he wanted to share with the world his view that being tacky can bring peace. Fantastic. Complete with frosted tips and a bare chest beneath his blazer he was a dream come true for me! I quickly approached him and when our eyes locked we shared a serendipitous moment that can only be created when an incredibly gay man meets of woman of equal gayness (if you don't understand this statement you're either a bland woman or a very straight man).

I approached my Caped Crusader and said, "Honey, you're just too fabulous! I need to take a picture with you." He replied by saying, "Sure thing Cleopatra. Lets go!" He threw his arm around me and began to bounce around in anticipation of our photo op. He was as excited as me! After we shared our blissful moment and walked away I knew that I had been in the presence of gay greatness. This type of magical moment is clearly the mark of a bountiful Art Basel or rather, Art Basil and this year, I intend to soak in as much tacky as possible!