Shameful Moments I'll Never Forget!

In my life I believe I've survived my fair share of moments that have left a lasting impression on my life. Some of these moments have been times of sorrow, some have been times of celebration and some have even been times of great revelation. However, its much more entertaining for me to tell you about some of the most shameful moments I've survived and hope you can certainly identify with my strife. All these moments happened within the last couple of months so you can imagine how many of these moments actually fill my entire life!

Recently, I was visiting the Physical Therapist for a little work on my neck and back. This isn't like a private therapist's office but rather a larger facility with a small gym and a few beds separated by curtains. I was laying down in the therapist's table for a massage and placed my face into the table opening. Let me point out that this is not a traditional massage bed but a therapist's table which is a full rectangle. The massage therapist was going to town on my back and as I began to breathe deeply through the pain...that crazy little bitch cut an SBD fart! To make matters worst, not only did I completely taste the fart but the rectangle shape of the table caused the fart to linger Dolores O'Riordan's career! The worst part was when she asked me how I felt afterwards and I had to look her in the eye and say, "refreshed." Yeah, refreshed from the fart cocktail you choked me with under the table! Fo!

A few weeks back I was at a birthday party and ran into a guy I met once before but couldn't remember. After many drinks we struck up a conversation and realized that we'd met before through a close friend he went to high school with. As a classic little drunk Rosy I went right ahead and blurted out, "Are you Nicaraguan?" This came as a shocker and not to out-do myself I quickly added, "You totally look Nica." Then, to take it a step further I called over my boyfriend and said, "Hey babe, this is Carlos and he went to high school with Eric. He's jincho!" For those of you who don't know this word please feel free to look it up on Google. Thankfully, he was cool and knew I was full of vodka. I'm a horrible, horrible person and cannot be taken out anywhere. Meh.

Ok, I just want to add that I have a number of Nicaraguan friends and I buy Fritanga at Yambo every chance I get! Don't judge me!

While we're on the topic of me being a big mouth, I'd like to mention that I always try to shame people from Broward. If I have to listen to one more person try to convince me that Delray Beach is the coolest city in South Florida I'm going to vomit! However, since I actually work in Dania Beach I often have to suck it up and listen to people's stories about driving down Federal Highway, grabbing lunch on Yamato Road and enjoying dinner in Boca. As far as I'm concerned, I live in Miami Beach and all the Broward people live in South Florida! Bland!

This past weekend I was in New York with my boyfriend and we spent one really beautiful afternoon in Central Park. We were there with a friend and stopped into the Boat House for a drink where we met George, the native New Yorker. George was a 78 year old man who most likely hangs out in the park in hopes of finding someone nice to talk to. He was wearing a suite with a fidora and his tie and pocket square were matching! He began telling us about his fantastic life and his late wife and then busted into a rant of hilarious jokes that became progressivly more and more off-color. Through all this, George was enjoying a cup of Manhattan Clam Chowder and was projectile spitting bits of food onto my arms and face! He even busted into a couple of songs and gave me a "dirty old guy" shoulder rub while my boyfriend laughed at me! We're just terrible people.

While I know I'll continue to have moments like this throughout my life I'm so glad that I have you all to share this with. I seem to have a knack for finding uncomfortable situations and a tenacity for creating them on my own! But I guess its my ability to find the humor in everything that makes me different from other people. Don't worry, there's so much more where this came from!